So yeah, I won’t be seeing Him for like forever. Because “things” etc. Not gonna pretend I am ok with it. I fucking need Him. I need fucking Him. I just need.

Since Xmas I’ve had vivid dreams almost every night of people who I lost last year. In my dreams they are alive and still part of my life. Of course I dreamed of them before but in those dreams I always remembered they were gone. These dreams – they are the worst to wake from. To realise they are really gone.