I am not on average a masochist. I actually don’t handle pain all that well. But sometimes I feel like being abused could help me out of my dark headspace. Being hurt by someone i trust in a controlled environment, instead of self harming. Do you and 1SL ever have sessions where it’s just about erasing the internal pain by creating external pain? (Sorry so long)

spoiled-lil-kitten:

Absolutely, and I believe this isn’t all that uncommon with BD/sM. So much so that the term “therapy spanking/session” is widely used and understood.

When @1sadisticlover and I first started, my pain tolerance was much higher than it is now, because a great deal of my masochism was fueled by the belief that I deserved to be in pain. It was a constant desire.

These days, pain still turns me on, but my need for it has changed.

When it comes to using the external pain to work through the internal, honest communication with your play partner is key. Let them know that you need release to quiet your mind and heart. Remember your safe word. Allow them to push you to tears if you need, and safe word when you have released all that you’re struggling with internally.

There are lots of things in play that can be fun, but they can (and if needed, should) also be tools for your mental health. The security of somebody who will not do you true harm, but will help you feel vindicated and free of your burdens is one of the most precious things that pain play has to offer.

I hope this helped. Remember that you’re not alone, and that weaving your D/s or S&M around you in the way that will be best is a right and responsibility that you hold.

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Spot on!